So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
