i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
