i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
