tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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