so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize