Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
