I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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