I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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