she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
