I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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