I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
