I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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