She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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