dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
