this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
