worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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