My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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