When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
