It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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