Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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