Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
