your room smells of hookers.
And success
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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