3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
