He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
