Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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