my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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