Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
