He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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