I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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