Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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