Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
