whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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