You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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