omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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