Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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