just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
