not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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