Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
