Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize