I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
