my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
