fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
