Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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