Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
