mondays should just be called national damage control day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize