Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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