i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
