Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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