after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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