someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
