No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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