and i looked up. we had an audience...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
