didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize