actually, I'm a sock model
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
