I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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