yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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