I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
