When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no, he came in my armpit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
