So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
