He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
