Buhtt sex?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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