Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
