she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
