It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She has the best kind of daddy issues
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
