He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
