Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize