I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
